Where Funny Stuff Goes

E: It was a suicide fly. 
Grampy: He'll convert. 
A: Um, I don't eat slimy things with sauce on them.
A: Can you please do something for me that you never usually do? ..... make me breakfast?
E: I'm going to try out for the First Choice Haircutters Contest. (Lol)
A: I have tooth hypothermia.
E: Want to hear a fact? (Me: Sure) E: You're the best mom in the world.
A: I can taste the non-gluten.A: Eric won't mind, if he doesn't find out.
E: Someone has to come to the concert and take credit for me.
A: I'm glad you're the kind of mom who talks to us about sex because I'd hate to hear about it from my friends in college.
A: But I thought nurses were females?
A: You're a good parent....look how well I turned out.
A: My mind is troubled right now. (Me: Oh my, what's up?) A:How am I going to play Halo5 without an XBox1?
A: This was made waa-a-a-ay back in 1987!
E: I'd love an XBox. Because 'x' is my favourite letter, and box is my favourite shape.J:Are you ready to go? E: Yes, I just need to finish eating. J: So, you're not ready. E: I guess it depends on what you consider ready.
A: I'm going to trademark you mom.
E: Mom keeps saying school isn't over yet but we're not doing any school work. So ... I don't know if it's summer vacation yet.
E: Mom, you were on the phone sinning for over an hour.
A: That's something you learn when you're a kid: You don't get a vote.
E: That book went viral.
E: There's something breathing in my room.
A:You know what we need? A rhinoceros or a flame thrower.

E:You don't need to get up. But there is a strange noise in the kitchen. I followed it to the source and I think there's a squirrel in dad's boots by the back door
J: Do you think that for one minute you could entertain the idea that I might be smarter than you?
E: I think what you're trying to say mom is that we're being little jerks today.
E: Can you make dad a hot chocolate? He's had a rough night.
A: You're not that kind of mean mom.
A: I'm surprised you could be that patient mom.
E: Mom you're like Sheldon and I'm like the Korean kid who comes to the university who's smarter than him.
M: Babe, I love you and I'm loving your story. But can you please go check if my pancakes are ready?
A: I think what mom is trying to say is she loves me more.
A: But mom, can't you multi-task?
E: What do you think our lives would be like if our van was blue?
J: Is that appropriate? E: Well, it's not inappropriate.
A:I threw a rubber banana at E because he rubbed his butt on my bed.
E:I can't believe you can't do that dad. I wonder if a General could?
A:Can you mark our work today mom? That would be fun.
E:We the first teacher was the mean teacher....until we met the mean teacher.
E: You don't know how glad I am we live here.
M: The foot has spoken.
A: Why did I just hand the remote to a woman?
J: M, you're the Batman to our Cloud Cuckoo Land.
E: Can we have pie from a box like AuntieLiz does it?
E: I knew that if I got granny involved she'd change your mind.

E: :Thank you God and Jesus for this food. And please remember that A swallowed a marble and please help him pass it....from his butt, in his poop."
A: Ya, once I saw you talking to Granny I knew we'd get to go.
E: What did she say that made you fake laugh A?
E: Mom, I'm not really sure what you like other than reading and diet cokes.
A: Obviously you don't need to go to college to work at McD's.
E: Mom, I'm not really sure what you like other than reading and diet cokes.
A: Obviously you don't need to go to college to work at McD's.
E: That was really nice of you mom. I wasn't expecting that.

E: Sometimes I forget I'm 10.
A: We're always late so it's no big deal now.
E: Dad, if you're letting me win that's seriously lame.
E: Ok. That was seriously the saddest movie I've ever seen.
A: Ça va bad.
- - - - - -
E: It's so crazy that when you do it the right way you get the right answer every time (he says with astonishment)!
A: I don't mean to be rude mom, but, can you go clean your own room?
A: (asked of a visitor to our apartment) Have you ever had a relationship with a blanket?
A: English please, au revoir.
E: Sorry, I was lost in my mind. I was in the zone.
A: My stomach hates me.

- - - - - -
E: But mom!! It's hard to get it right!!
A: You don't want me to do too many questions do you? I just learned it today and you don't want me to learn to hate it do you?
E: We're a bad influence on the people who aren't being a bad influence on us.
E: If we go for half a while now, then turn and go back ... then we will have been gone a while.
A: I'd rather go out and hunt for my food than work at a computer all day.
E: But mom, according to the bible we're not supposed to do chores on Sunday.
E: I really want a grand piano.
A: Can you not be mad at us really soon?
E: Ya. We had it good.
A: How come you used to be nice to us when we were little but now you're not?
A: That's totally unfair that E gets to learn Algebra! When do I get to learn it?
A: Mom used to be a teacher...well I guess she still is kind of.
- - - - - -

E: I think all these crises are good for my stress.
A: But I didn't have time to put on underwear this morning!
E: It would be better if mom wasn't hovering like a turkey vulture.
E: You know the part where they say, "Do you take this person to be your awful wife?.
E: If you ever need someone to talk to mom you can talk to me.
A: While BabyV is here can I use a laundry basket, some string and half a banana.
- - - - - -

M: I have to go shave...my niece is coming to visit.
A: BabyV is like a bird, I could watch her all day
M: When you're done there the three of us are going to play a game o.k.?J: Which one of the boys isn't going to play?M:Um...actually you're not playing. The boys and I are going to play a game.
E: So in TO it seems they like sushi, smoking and GoodLifeFitness.
E: Dad said I can't try that experiment because it would probably explode.
A: So who would you say is being the best help today? Is it me?
- - - - - -

A: Can we never move again? Except for next summer when we move back.
E: Of course I can do that. I'm 10. I'm homeschooled and I'm awesome.
E: You know what I was thinking? If you're a transgendered homosexual then you're normal.
A: You spelled a word wrong? But you're the teacher!!
E:I've noticed it's getting messy around here.J:Well you could pick up.E: What?
E: Mom are you awake? I need you to call around and rent a rec centre.
- - - - - -

A: Remember when E went through that train phase.
E: You don't need zucchini because there is NO zucchini in chocolate muffins.
E: That's your problem mom, you don't know what to do when you have nothing to do.
E: Mom why is the guy in that truck sticking his middle finger up at you?
E:Granny that would be a good outfit for Taco Bell night.
A: I have 8 emails....I must be popular.
- - - - - - 

E: I have an e male account.
A: I have to check my email.
E: I'm about to do something I've wanted to do my WHOLE life.
A: Why does E have to come home? Can't he sleep over with the Cubs?
E: It's nice having dad home but if he doesn't go back to work soon we'll only be eating mushy peas.
(b/c apparently that's what you eat when you run out of $$)
A: (to his brother and after an intrusive dr. appt) Really? Your knee hurts? Do you want to trade lives? And the Dr. can stick his finger in your a$$?
E: That town is recombobulating itself.
E: (during dinner prayer) Thank you God for an epic dad who played wii with us today.
A: I don't think there's many bad guys in our neighbourhood.
E: Maybe if it's slippery the next time we go out Dad should wear a helmet.
A: Mom...the name Bubbles totally suits you!!
E: Mom! You bought more chocolate chips than rice!
- - - - - -

A: Can I please say the word sh*t? If I could say that word I wouldn't need any other bad words to say!
E: Is Shakespeare the guy who did Pirates of the Caribbean?
A: Are you in a good mood? Because I want to ask you something.....
E: Well isn't he a sensitive one!
E: Yesterday Dad said no. But now it's today....and it's you....so can I?
A: You know how teenagers are.
A: God, I'd like to add a couple things to this prayer.
A:(to a friend) Do you pick your nose? I do.
E: Mom I saw you dance and it was embarrassing.
A: He shouldn't be worried he should be in paradise.
E: I really needed dad to play with me.
M: I couldn't do my homework tonight I had to play LEGO.
A: Just FYI, when you're going to make mashed potatoes you need to make a lot of them.
E: I'm going to H's house for the purpose of building LEGO.
A: The only bad part was that sometimes we didn't get any attention.
M: If I die of this migraine know that I lived for you. And can I please have a hug?
E: I can tell I'm getting sick because my tonsils are hanging low.
A: That's what you always bark at me mom.
E: It's probably because that girl thinks outside the box.
A: Daddy's gone. I'm going to miss him.
A: You look like Nana.
E: You look fancy mom.
A:I don't like this double standard. Mom, put your phone away at the table.
E: I really like Daris' personality.
A:I want to play Grampy and then you mom so after I lose then I can win.
E: You're losing your dignity over that baby.
A: I stand corrected.
A: You were saying?
E: We tied each other by one point!
E: I'm overwhelmed
A: Mom you looked really different when you were younger.
E: We party rocked tonight. That was really fun.
E:These muffins are really good. You can't even taste the healthy stuff in them.
A: E, you're saying what we're all thinking.
A:You're a butt sucker E.
E:I think mom and I are the weirdest people in this family.
A:Mom I want to give you this because you are so nice to me.
E:I don't understand why daddy doesn't like the guinea pigs walking on him.
E:I can tell this is a Christian radio station by the way the guy is talking.
A:Can't I even have a foot massage?
A:I'm going to check-mate you dad in three moves.
E:You can tell we're in Ottwa because there is a TimHrton's on almost every block.
NewKid:Your house is really cool! A:I know. And we have a bird!
E:Mom's probably not going to eat cake tonight because she had six cookies today. Right mom?
A:Mom keeps losing at chess because she keeps making the same mistakes.
A:Do you think you and daddy will ever break up?
E:When you say it like that mom, it sounds really cheesy.
A:I didn't know Nana went to the movies.
E:I said a prayer for the toad.
A:Uh. Girls and guns (with eyes rolling).
E:I think homeschoolers are smarter.
A:Can't I even have a foot massage?!
E:This house really does only stay clean for one day.
D:Let's pretend I'm your guest.E:I don't want to listen to you.
E:Now I know how the slaves of Egypt felt.
E:Dad says that head shots count.
A:That was too easy. Give me the harder plus-ing.
E:I object!
E:I like having Dad around
E:Grndad is kind and calming.
E:Grnny is not respecting my need for sleep.
E:I am not a raving lunatic!!
A:Mom, you're like GrandmDrdre.
E:Teach A multiplying like you taught me, it worked.
E:[while in the van] Mom, you need to work on your stopping.
A:Mom, you know how I'm way stronger and smarter than other kids my age?...well....
E:If I stopped worrying that would be my best dream.
A:That's dramatic!
E:Mom, A is always looking ahead and I am always looking back.
A:It's just us poor kids with no cuddle...E:Notfalling asleep all alone.
E-There are normal families and families where everyone is sarcastic
A-Remember E, people exaggerate.
E-I'm always worrying.
E-Not division! It's my week off.
A-Mom, come see how awesome I am.
E-We won't need to negotiate long if you just agree with me mom.
A-Can I just say, he's p*ssing me off!
M-I stand corrected.
E-Do you think if Nana asked God to rain fire down on someone He would do it?
E-Thanks for not making us eat what dad is having for dinner.
E-Mom-Dad, are you mind talking?
E-I think Grandad thinks I'm awesome.
FromA-ChristmsEve is the hardest night to fall asleep.
FromE-It's ok because my mom is reasonable.
FromE-I'm just so busy.

FromA-Sometimes I eat my ear wax.
FromA-Nature really is interesting.
FromE-What does 'gay' mean?
FromA-Mom! You're just like me!
FromE-Our house isn't really a democracy. It's more like a dictatorship.
FromE-I used to get $5 for allowance. But now I have to work for it. That's what happens when your mom reads too many magazines.

FromA-You don't know that!?! It's a good think you have us to learn from Mom.

FromE-You'd be surprised how long it takes us to pull ourselves to gether Granny.
FromA-Dad, why can't you stay home and teach us and have mommy go to work?

FromA-Mom's probably taking so long because she's painting her nails again!
FromE-If you could magically travel you could go back and get evidence to prove Jesus is real.
FromE-You really take good care of guinea pigs, probably because you take good care of us.

FromA-Don't worry, there were mommies even fatter than you in there.
From E-You really need to come and help us. We are getting unfocused.
From E-This is a problem mom. You're texting at the lunch table.

From A-That looks like a lot of pancakes E...you're probably going to want to share those.

From E-Mom doesn't understand because she isn't a grandma yet.
From E-You have two quirks mom, your clean house and your diet coke.

From A-You can use my blanket mom if you don't puke on it.

Update Dec2020

My Guy A My Guy E School Rooms at Home Deck the Halls It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas